Julaugust Roundup, '21
So, since last roundup I've moved to a new state and started working full time again, which murdered all of my free time. Hence me not being able to post the July roundup on time. But I guess, party in my bank account? Anyway, here's all the shit from the past two months, lovelies! I'll do my best not to suck so much next month.
Watch This Shit:
I mean, duh. Of course I'm gonna recommend Ryan Murphy's excuse to tell all the stories that aren't significant enough to flesh out an entire season.
Spooky '90s LA patriarchy-smashing stalker-witch cat-vomiting shit. It's a good time. And, yeah, quiiite as gross as "cat-vomiting" sounds. (Trust me, it's not even what you think it is.)
This is another docuseries that does the work for me. The title is the best microreview I could ever possibly write.
Catch and Kill: The Podcast Tapes
Ronan Farrow Whistleblows the Shit Out of Harvey Weinstein: The Podcast.
A minseries based on a podcast based on an article based on a real-life psychopathic Texas surgeon who maimed or killed over 30 people from 2011-13. It's chilling, to say the least.
Dr. Death: The Undoctored Story
If you prefer docs over dramz, this is Peacock's four-part companion docuseries to their eight-episode drama. Same story, just less Pacey Witter.
At least this murder porn puts survivors front an center. That should alleviate some of the guilt in enjoying these true crime guilty pleasures.
Peacock's new true crime docuseries takes a wild turn from the already horrible case of Brittney Wood's disappearance to the truly sinister case of her family's incestuous child sex trafficking ring.
Like White Lotus (more on that eyeroll below), this features a group of people taking a getaway to "recharge" (or what-the-fuck-ever). Unlike White Lotus, this one isn't just obnoxious white wealth. (I mean... they are rich, granted. And somewhat white. But mostly not very asshole-ish.) Plus it's got a bunch more big names starring in it. And it's a little culty! Which is always great (for entertainment purposes only... obvs).
Podcast Freaks: The Sitcom. Three people (Steve Martin, Martin Short, and what's-her-pop-face [she's not as annoying in this role as I expected her to be]) live in the same NYC apartment building, are all obsessed with the same murder podcast, and therefor become fast friends when their building's alarm goes off (as someone in an oversized hoodie sneaks in... #intrigue) and they wind up in the same restaurant. #wtfisinbosmouth
Anyway, that hoodie persons' intrigue was real intriguing to them because when they got back home and found out there was a whole-ass murder on the 9th floor, they snuck in to investigate. So begineth the plot.
A very welcomed haunted house/real estate horror-comedy hybrid fronted by a clean-shaven Mutt. It's as delicious as his jawline.
You can watch just about any random UFO-related docuseries and be faced with a pile of poorly constructed garbage, whether you believe in extraterrestrial life or not. This series, though, is actually well-made and, rather than choosing a side in the argument and making a spectacle of the footage the internet has made readily available to any average Joe, it simply sets out to hear from witnesses of phenomena, academics who studied it, and the elected officials who (when not mocking it) ignored it.
Meh:
Personally, I find Paris Hilton painfully funny. (Nicole Richie even more so, but that's beside the point.) So, if you enjoyed the Simple Life, you'll get a big kick out of Ms. Hilton trying to cook. But you may or may not be annoyed by whoever her guest happens to be in each episode. (For example, I have less than zero interest in anything Kardashian-related, hence me skipping the shit out of the first episode and starting with number two. [Poo pun not intended. Apologies.])
Joseph Gordon-Levitt's midlife crisis. (If you think the idea that the little kid from 3rd Rock is now mid-life is depressing, wait 'til you watch the show. Then you'll really be down in the dumps.)
Jennifer Coolidge is the one and only reason this one's on the Meh rather than the Don't Watch list. Otherwise I would strictly be complaining about HBO giving us another garbage heap of rich white assholes being rich white assholes, except this time in Hawaii.
Don't Watch This Shit:
Ugh. I think we need a new rule: No more tattoo shows where someone gets a surprise tattoo. If they don't know what's permanently going on their body, it shouldn't be going on their body! I mean, Jesus, why is this even a trend?
I was on board with kids talking about random shit until that one dumbass said "If I was given a choice between one billion dollars and seeing my dad again, I would choose my dad..." 'cause then I remembered: kids are fucking stupid.
Honorable Mentions:
The absolute atrocity that was the Attica prison massacre. With all of the receipts and the woman who expropriated them.
This horror tale is told as slowly as it possibly can be (nearly in real time, but not quite) without taking advantage of the audience. Quite simply, brilliantly, and terrifyingly: we, the audience, along for the ride. This "ride" just happens to unfortunately be two 12-year-old's attempted escapes from their kidnappers. It's Silent House meets High Tension meets The People Under the Stairs meets... I don't know, something with really young kids in it that isn't the Goonies. Not to mention one hell of a tip of the cap to the Shining. Anyway, just trust me, you've gotta see this one. Period.
A bunch of Drag Race gals and a handful of original cast members recreate that Jan episode of The Brady Bunch. It's sky-high camp and super cute.
Some good queer horror brought to you by Mr. Goosebumps himself, R.L. Stine. Part 1 is by far the best of the three, Part 2 isn't even all that necessary, and Part 3 (the first half of it, anyway) is for the crowd who thinks Army of Darkness, Ginger Snaps Back, et al. were great additions to their respective film series (they weren't). But then it whips back around to '94 and wraps things up good and proper. (Or does it, mid-credits scene?!)
A secret badass lady society protects a little girl. Watch it if for no other reason than to enjoy extreme-slow-mo Angela Bassett.
A powerful portrait of one of the greatest political comedians, social justice warriors, and self-described "agitator[s]" of our time.
Summer of Soul (...Or, When the Revolution Could Not Be Televised)
A series of six concerts known as the Harlem Cultural Festival were filmed in the summer of 1969. The footage then spent 50 years sitting in a basement, depriving us of its greatness and getting overshadowed by Woodstock (which took place in that same summer). That is until now, when ?uestlove finally took on the task of turning the footage into this monumental documentary.
Stand-up, animated. I'm very into it.
The Shit I Missed:
The completely batshit true crime tale of the 2009 disappearance of Christina Whittaker. But don't watch it if documentarians making themselves part of the story gets on your nerves.
Syfy's ridiculous quarter-hour animation about a love-struck guy and his demonic roommate who only ever says out loud the random things he's summoning. It's stupid how hilarious it is.
This comedy horror mockumentary series is actually a few years old, but sadly only just made its US debut this month, depriving us all of its Kiwi greatness. Think: X-Files meets Reno 911.