Novcember Roundup, '20
Holy shit, y'all! It's almost over! The year of dooooom! If you've been spending the past two months not watching TV because you're too busy just trying to survive, I get it. I'm right there with you, boo. Except I did watch a bunch of TV. And I broke it down for you so you know what to watch when you want to get spooky, when you want to get ooky, when you want to ball your eyes out, and when you just want it be Christmas (or whatever that shit was this past month) all over again; with, as always, the extra good shit in bold. Do please enjoy! Or don't. Honestly, 2021 is for doing whatever you gotdamn want to do. After you get the vaccine!!!
Oh, also... I've got a sort of new policy I should probably mention. Often when I watch something that ends up on the Don't Watch list, having to explain why gets really tiring. And kind of insulting to people who may not deserve the insult. So, from now on, I'm just going to leave most of the Don'ts out of the roundups all-together, unless the folks on the show do deserve the insult. (I'm talking to you, Dean Cain.)
Watch This Shit:
Thomas Middleditch needs a new kidney and Annaleigh Ashford is his messy friend from high school who's gonna give him one. If you can get past the laugh track (y'all know how I feel about that shit), it's actually really funny. And pretty cute to boot! Plus there's Kether Donohue and Sara Rue, both of whom I'm mildly obsessed with. Get into it.
I'll admit: I'm biased about this one. I have a lot of trouble separating an actor from a terrible character they play. So, I've had sour grapes about Kaley Cuoco ever since that one season of Charmed she did. Ugh, and don't even get me started on Big Bang. I just can't.
But anyway, pushing that nonsense aside, she's actually pretty great in this very wild murder mystery. She's a flight attendant living her best life, meeting gorgeous guys with lots of money who treat her lavishly. This one time, though, she wakes up next to one of them rich gorges (pause for how beautiful Michiel Huisman is) who just so happens to have his throat slit. There's blood and broken glass everywhere, he's... very dead. And she has no idea what happened. It's a whole [surprisingly funny] thing. All of which playes out before the opening credits even roll! Not to mention: T. R. Knight, Zosia Mamet, and Rosie Fatherfucking Perez! You've gotta watch it, for real.
Heaven's Gate: The Cult of Cults
True crime junkies, here's your next fix. This four episode deep dive into the Heaven's Gate cult traces its origin through to its unfortunate end, culminating in 39 suicides.
Really real talk: ultimately this shit all started with homophobia. It is remarkable how gravely people can be effected by hate.
Two movie-obsessed puppets who pretty much hate each other host a Modesto public-access review show. They chit-chat about everything film when they're not bickering or interviewing special guests, like the pile of cocaine that wrote The Meg. I feel like... that's enough said.
Another horrific true crime docuseries, this one told in four personal episodes by a son trying to solve his mother's murder. Wild and quite painful, but absolutely worth a watch.
This four-part docuseries chronicles Obama's Presidency. Definitely watch it if you're a proud member of MAGA country (although, if you are... the fuck are you doing here? lol) so you can see how fucked in the face you are.
From Patrisse Cullors, co-founder of Black Lives Matter, comes this 12-episode series of quarter-hour episodes following a Los Angeles coalition fighting the $3.5 billion prison expansion and explaining exactly why they're fighting.
This miniseries can only be described as nothing short of a monumental undertaking on the part of Steve McQueen, who acts as sole director and co-screenwriter of five feature-length films, each telling tales of West Indian immigrants in 1970s and '80s London. The first film, Mangrove, recounts the events surrounding the arrests and trial of the so-called "Mangrove Nine."
A fully batshit docuseries examining a different ridiculous competition in each episode. The first is about the traditional Cooper's Hill Cheese-Rolling event, in which a bunch of British psychopaths chase a cheese log rolling down a painfully steep hill. It's kind of amazing.
Meh:
A few not-too-annoying dude-bros research weird shit. It's okay.
Another true crime series documenting the crimes of a serial killer and the ineptitude of police (I believe the truly outstanding line from the first episode was "I thought that if the case was going to be solved, it wouldn't be for a long time... so I just went about my work as usual"), except this time it's British!
I think Ashlie D. Stevens explains best why I've put it in the Meh category, while also pointing you to the more nuanced docuseries that unfortunately isn't as widely available: The Yorkshire Ripper Files: A Very British Crime Story.
There's a global pandemic. And it's even worse than Covid. So... cool?
I don't know. It's at least really well made. And it's based on a Stephen King book. The recent adaptations of his work have all pretty much been great. So, I guess give it a shot if you're up for some super-virus good times with a hella old dream-Whoopi, a locked-up James Marsden, a lovestruck psycho, and a bunch of incredibly gross gigantic necks.
While the Rest of Us Die: Secrets of America's Shadow Government
If 2020 as a whole wasn't enough of an existential crisis for you, watch this docuseries for some truly terrifying revelations about just how little the government cares about you. Like, at all.
I'm giving it a Meh only because, in all honesty, I'm not emotionally well enough to watch it. I will have an actual breakdown, lol. (It's funny 'cause it's true.)
My desire to hate this one is strong. The entire start of the series is a quick run-down of why being stranded on a deserted island is way better than being a teenage girl in "regular-ass America," which... come on, now. Sure, shit is difficult, but let's not pretend that being stranded on a fucking island is something to enjoy.
However! (And, yes, it's a big "however.") This is otherwise really damn well written, paced out, and acted. No matter how much I want to be annoyed by these girls, I want to know more about them. I want to know what they do on this damn island. I want to know what the fuck happens! Regardless of how it starts, the story does a remarkable job of sucking you in.
HOWEVER! (Yup, an even bigger one.) As much as the very beginning annoyed me, so did the very end when, #twist... they were apparently supposed to get stranded on the island all along. None of them actually knew about the supposed-to-be-strandedness of it all, except for the one girl who winds up dying before spilling those deets.
So, yeah. The Real World: Lord of the Teenage Girl Flies Island gets a big Meh from me. (But I'm still going to watch it. Obvs.)
Don't Watch This Shit:
a.k.a. How to Rape a Teenager. No thank you.
Nah.
Fuck Dean Cain.
The Reagans can eat a dick. Only watch this four-part docuseries if you don't know why. Or, again, if you've followed the wrong internet path and somehow landed at this here blog instead of some Fox News fansite for morons.
Again, nah.
This one's just softcore porn for teenagers, which... gross. Watch 2015's Flesh and Bone if you want good ballet dramz that doesn't make you feel like you're watching kids fucking.
Honorable Mentions:
You. Aaaaaaaaaall! If you're tired of holiday cheer, this is the down-right terrifying Rosemary's Baby/Thirteen Ghosts movie mash-up for you.
A breathtakingly beautiful and immeasurably painful seven-minute animated walk through the wishes of a black life.
Amazon announced their 2020 eulogy, Yearly Departed, in advance, so Netflix quickly whipped up this 2020 retrospective and surprise dropped it. But it's cute. And by "cute" I mean horrifying because of our reality, but still funny.
Have yourself a lovely little lesbian Christmas, care of the great Clea DuVall.
If Anything Happens I Love You
This animated short is twelve minutes of a knife to the heart. Watch it when you need a good cry.
Leap of Faith: William Friedkin on The Exorcist
Fellow horror buffs, do not pass this one up because you think you know all there is to know about The Exorcist. Yes, it's an hour and forty minutes of William Friedkin talking, in great detail, about making it. But, believe me, it goes far beyond that. It's truly a master class and is well worth your time.
Munchausen by Proxy: The Horror Movie.
A lovely, intimate, and, at times, completely heartbreaking documentary that follows four kids (in varying stages of gender transition) and their families over the course of five years.
If y'all don't know by now that Alan Ball can do no wrong (except constantly cast that damn husband of his [though he was pretty good in this one, I must admit]), then I don't know what the fuck to do with you. Get your shit together. And then watch this cute-ass drama (again, whenever you need a good cry).
A really rather beautiful documentary about Tommie Smith, the Olympic gold medalist and precursor to Colin Kaepernick, whom America unfortunately still hasn't learned enough from.
A whole bunch of hilarious women lay 2020 to rest in that eulogy I mentioned earlier.
The Shit I Missed:
It's tough to update a classic, especially one that's already been updated countless times, but this three-episode adaptation [that I'm really fucking mad I didn't get to enjoy until damn near 12 months after it originally aired] certainly twists up the tale we know and love in remarkable ways and brings the eldest of vampires into our day and age in the final episode. (Although, there are some annoying plot holes which I'd love to discuss. Someone @ me about that shit so we can have a proper bitch fit.)
Sarah Cooper: Everything's Fine
The most ridiculous[ly accurate] news program ever.
Sarah Cooper for President.
And that's all I have to say about that.
If Hanna was a comedy. It's real cute. It originally premiered in the UK back in September and made its way stateside to HBO Max in November.