April Roundup, '20
So, this month brought with it a continued quarantine, a whole mess of idiots that are so mad at being quarantined that they'd rather risk countless lives to scream real loud about it outside Baskin fucking Robbins, and a new terrible streaming service in Quibi. Quite a whirlwind, no? Anyway, I will not be reviewing any of Quibi's content because even the thought of it exhausts me. Plus, Kathryn VanArendonk says it better than I can. But don't you worry, dear reader! There's still plenty of new goodness to go ‘round and this show will go on as it normally does with the below series premiere microreviews (as always with the extra good shit in bold). Jump on in while, hopefully, staying as sane and the-fuck-at-home as possible...
Watch This Shit:
Atlanta's Missing and Murdered: The Lost Children
Starting in 1979, at least 30 Atlanta children of color were murdered over the course of 23 months. This grisly docuseries examines the crimes, the original investigation, the two (and only two) convictions that resulted, and the all-too-recent re-opening of the 28 unsolved cases.
The Office meets Episodes in this hilarious fictionalized family mockumentary about a prolific creator of, as his eldest daughter puts it, "black stuff about black things with black people."
It's Indebted, but even more poor... and funny. If you've got to choose between the two, stick with Broke.
Horror fans, rejoice! Creepy legends about creepy films, starting with The Exorcist. A different film is featured in each subsequent episode.
I gave this one a shot for literally everyone involved except Chris Evans because, honestly, can anyone take him seriously after 87 years as Captain America? I know I can't. But, as expected, everyone else makes up for it, especially Betty Gabriel and Michelle Dockery.
The gist is: a 14-year-old boy is found murdered in the woods and another kid, who ends up being the lead suspect, is the son of the co-lead investigator on the case. (Spoiler alert: I think the little creep did it.)
TLC is getting their shit together and giving a full series order to to last years Drag Me Down the Aisle. If you missed it back then: four Drag Race alums give the Queer Eye treatment to a woman in need. It's cute and squishy, which everyone can use right about now.
Harriet the Spy, but for real, only with less spying and more journalism. Apple's new mystery drama based on the (holy-fucking-shit) 13-year-old life of journalist Hilde Lysiak.
In-depth docuseries examining cases of wrongful convictions and exactly how fucked up the criminal justice system is.
Y'all know by now that I love me some magic, right? Well, this here is a whole mess of magicians doing street magic and none of it involves Dean Cain's dumbass. So, yeah. I'm all about it.
An existentialist animation acid trip.
It's the '70s and women are telling America to get it's bullshit together. Cate Blanchett plays the one dumbass who says "No, thank you" the loudest.
The Goldbergs meets Fresh Off the Boat meets 2010's meets... John McEnroe. Mindy Kaling created it and it's amazing and you should definitely watch it. Plus Devi's (the main character) dream-guardian angel-father is the sexy beast that is Sendhil Ramamurthy.
Penny Dreadful: City of Angels
Penny Dreadful, but with a folklore makeover. Set during the Golden Age of Hollywood, a newly promoted Mexican American detective finds himself in the middle of a Santa Muerte vs. El Diablo battle, not helped in the least by the scumbags in power and pro-Nazi pieces of shit.
Merritt Wever is a regular ol' gal just doing some shopping at a Target when she gets a text message that simply says "RUN," in response to which she promptly hits the eject button on her life. She books it to the airport, text message breaks-up with her significant other, and hops on the next flight to New York where she meets up with a charming pig-obsessed ginge from her past, after fifteen years apart. We've got mysterious viral videos, train car bathroom masturbation, "amazing periods," and much, much more. Plus, Phoebe Waller-Bridge is continuing her planetary takeover by executive producing this one, so, duh, fucking watch it.
RuPaul's Secret Celebrity Drag Race
I mean, come on. You thought I wasn't gonna recommend this?
In the first episode, a couple straight dudes and [the dreamboat that is] Nico Tortorella get dolled up by alums for charity. What's not to love? (Besides RuPaul fracking, that is. [#shaaaaaaaaaade])
In these uncertain times, one thing's for sure: America loves a drag queen. Or... do they? Three Drag Race alums (they're seriously everywhere [not that I'm complaining]) put on a drag show in rural hateful America for the quiet queerdos (and/or their supporters) who don't get to fly their freak flags as high as they should be able to. It's really kind of amazing and empowering [when Drumpf supporters don't squeeze in the air time they don't deserve]. #gagisgood
Meh:
If the title didn't make it clear enough for you: three chefs make meals, featuring everyone's favorite plant as an ingredient, for a panel of very fucking lucky celebrity judges (a.k.a. "best buds").
Amazon keeps jumping onto the many bandwagons in today's Golden Age of Television with hearty thuds. This time, hoping for the next shining star in the "weird" galaxy, occupied by the likes of Legion, Man Seeking Woman, last month's Dispatches, etc. While this new series is quite surreal and, at the same time, still manages to be incredibly grounded (and visually stunning to boot), "Theoretical Physics: The Drama Series" tends to get a bit boring, more often than not.
Don't Watch This Shit:
Kim Russo stole the name of a good show to get her old bad show back on the air and, yes, I'm bitter about it. The actual Celebrity Ghost Stories was a real good time.
I guess MTV wants to continue to be more and more like VH1, so they figured Mob Wives, but with less emphasis on interesting women and more on men punching walls, would be the way to go.
Bloodline, but for teenagers. Pass.
Honorable Mention:
When it's not absolutely breaking your heart in pieces, it's the loveliest little lesbian love story you ever will see.
Half stage show/half documentary, all hart-felt tribute to a band that spanned decades and their fallen member.
The daughter of shockingly conventional parents who have owned and operated a hardcore gay porn bookstore for 33 years makes a documentary about it and it's fatherfucking wild.
Fuck yes, quarantine magic! Everyone seems to doing their part (except every fucking monstrosity in the white house) and David Blaine is no exception. Mixed in with previously taped tricks are brand new (as of last month) Facetime entries. So, when you're not listening to James Blake's IG Lives on repeat, watch this magical shiz.
The Shit I'm Not Sure About, but Am Telling You to Watch Anyway:
In the mood for some new old school fun? The Fraggles are back, practicing social distancing, singing to each other via "Doozertubes," and it's apparently cute as fuck. Unfortunately, the episodes barely crack the 5-minute mark, but they'll nonetheless distract the kids for a bit.