February Roundup, '18

Lots of folks being folks this month. And I'm not mad at it! [Mostly.]

Watch This Shit:

• 2 Dope Queens

  Not your father's comedy show. And thank fuck for that.

• Good Girls

  I don't yet have the words for how good this series is. You're a dumb idiot moron if you don't watch it. That's really all I can say.

• Here and Now

  Fuckin' Alan Ball, man. There is such a unique way that only he can twist a story. If you're a fan of Six Feet Under (fuck right off if you're not), you've likely seen the pilot episode once or twice. You probably remember it well enough, at least, to get some déjà vu when watching the Here and Now pilot. Disparate family members, gradually congregating for an event, at which the youngest daughter will be very high. As well, the "cool" son finds himself having impromptu sex with his brand-spanking-new significant other. It also feels eerily throughout the episode like he ("cool" son, not the new orgasm maker) or his father [or SOMEONE?] is about to die. I think this was all methodical and very intentional on Ball's part, though. To bring the viewer into this familiar place, having us feel almost disappointed at the sameness, and then have the rug pulled out from right the fuck under us. By almost having nothing really happen, no less! Mr. "cool" son, clearly destined to die before the credits of this episode were to roll, manages to survive! But, twist, it's because maybe he's schizophrenic. Now how's he, his unique family, and his new sexy barista boyfriend going to deal with that? There's the show, kids. "Fishers & Sons" it ain't.

• The Joel McHale Show with Joel McHale

  It's Joel McHale, exactly as you'd hope Joel McHale would Joel McHale for Joel McHale's entire Joel McHale.

• This Close

  Incredibly dangerous sex practices aside, this one's a hilarious buddy dramedy about besties and their boyfriends. The besties happen to be deaf. It's a whole thing. Actually, it's not. I mean, it is... in so much as the characters are, in fact, deaf and the show is about them, so of course it's going to be about deafness in some way... but, gurl, it's just subtitles. You're just reading subtitles. It's a language you might not speak. That's all. The actual important things to note: (1) This shit's genuinely funny and (2) the acting is good, especially Shoshannah Stern who (3) is God damn great.

  P.S. & (4): Dude needs to use a fucking condom, though. AND SPITTING INTO THE PALM OF YOUR HAND AND SMEARING IT ONTO THE SURFACE OF A BUTTHOLE ON NO EARTH MAKES FOR AN ENJOYABLE OR PAINLESS ANAL SEX INTERACTION, YOU MONSTER. I'm Just sayin'.

• The Trade

  An honest to goodness documentary. And a fucking depressing one at that. An unbiased look at heroine from damn near every angle you can think to examine it.

Meh:

• A.P. Bio

  It's Bad Education, except angrier and with a higher GPA.

• Queer Eye

  Now, I'm not saying you definitely shouldn't watch this, but the magic that the original series had is not present here in this reboot. Is it okay TV? Sure. Nice positive shit in these troubled times? Yup. But is it also a mixed bag when it comes to the fab five? Hell yes.

• Uncensored

  Talk series featuring a different celebrity discussing about their life experiences in each episode. Obviously, the quality of the content really depends on the celebrity, so I can't say every episode will be worth it, but episode one, starring future United States President Tiffany Haddish, is definitely worth a watch.

• Unsolved

  I was really excited about this one, but it's just not great. It takes the "unsolved" murder cases of two legends and turns them into a by-the-numbers cop drama. If you're actually interested in what tragically happened to Biggie and Tupac, there are better documentaries (that probably shine a clearer light on them than this series will). But, to be fair, it wasn't awful enough to make it onto the "Don't" list.

Don't Watch This Shit:

• Altered Carbon

  In the very distant future, criminals get put into some kind of coma during their prison sentences. When the sentence is over, hundreds of years later, their consciousness (brains? soul? I don't know what the fuck they call it) are put into another [dead] prisoner's body. Imagine a much more phallic Orphan Black about reincarnation instead of cloning.

  Sidebar: I have a racist friend. He became racist after dating a horribly racist, abusive, wealthy monster who infected my friend with his ideology. A victim of abuse deserves respect, not ridicule, but I'll be damned if I don't call out my friend's very real racism every single time I'm confronted with it. We've had many, many conversations about it.

  Now, I was not going to watch Altered Carbon, but this friend of mine insisted. A lot. He probably thinks the post-racial, multi-lingual future presented here is pretty meaningful. He's partially right, because it could be meaningful. But in this post-racial future, where anybody can literally be any body, the moment in time for us common present-day folk to enjoy is the one in which the hero of the story just happens to be in the body of a white man. (Yes, he's straight too. Of course he is. Come on.) He was brought back to life by a, you guessed it, wealthy, straight, white man. He lives in the clouds with his wife. She's a natural blonde. Your eyes rolling yet?

  Whether it's for the same reasons I'm rolling my eyes, or you're rolling your stupid eyes at me, we can both agree that it's time we, as a society, actually moved beyond this nonsense. Five hundred some-odd years in the future and we still need to deal with a bunch of wealthy white assholes running the show? Stop it.

• Everything Sucks!

  This show included. The entire point of the series, plot and all, is "This is set in the '90s." It's exhausting.

• Final Space

  I tried watching this twice, and both times, I got so easily distracted that I can't tell you what the hell this shit's about, other than it's set in outer space and Fred Armisan's a robot or something. I don't know. It didn't make me laugh once, so... yeah, no. Maybe skip this one.

• Living Biblically

  Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Definitely skip this one. I wasn't even going to give it a try, to be honest, but it's got a bunch of great talent attached. So I did, fully aware that I'd probably not enjoy it. And, hoo, doggy. This shit, y'all. Turns out: when you base your comedy premise around a book, the fans of which mostly become really awful after reading, IT TURNS OUT NOT FUN. Or Funny. Or comfortable in... any way? It just screams "conservative who wants to prove how oh so very hip we Christians can be and, p.s., how even most of us think Trump sucks."

Honorable Mention:

• Oprah at the Apollo

  Just two episodes, but it's Oprah being Oprah with a couple handfuls of celebrities who love her. It's a good time.

  There's plenty more content on their website, by the way. These conversations are part of Oprah's Super Soul Sessions, which are basically her version of TED Talks.

  Now, everyone say it with me: THANKS, OPRAHHHHH!